“They Just Don’t Get It”
Does this sound familiar? You are worried and stressed and your husband and family are telling you that it is not really that big of a deal and that you are letting gestational diabetes run your life. You are mad and angry that they “Just Don’t Get It!”
You know what, you are right; they do not “get it.” Okay, I said it and it is the truth.
This is absolutely NORMAL. How could they “get it?” Sure, they can understand the “diet,” and the “risks,” but how can they really understand how you feel. How could my husband understand MY guilt and shame? Oops, I said that too.
I am a perfectionist and, truth be told, I worry a lot! When I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, I felt like a failure and I worried about EVERYTHING! I felt like I failed my husband and my kiddo! My husband REALLY, REALLY wanted to help me and I give him props… he really did try! Everyday, he tried to help. Telling me “not to worry about it,” “there is nothing more you can do,” “Katie, you eat better and exercise more than most people I know”… but you know what… all this “help” made me angry, and angry at him… He just did not “get it.”
One night, I could not sleep and was crying into my pillow. My husband asked… “What can I do?” but I did not know how to answer him. I thought I was angry because my worries were being dismissed, but deep down I was really angry at myself. I was REALLY ashamed and embarrassed that I had gestational diabetes. I had never shared that with him. I was finally honest with myself and him… “There is nothing you can do besides listen. Nothing you can say that will make me feel better. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that I am putting our baby at even the slightest risk for all sorts of complications. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I have gestational diabetes. My head is telling me that I am doing everything that I can, but my heart is saying I could have done more.”
I will have to say, after this conversation, my husband started to “get it.” He “got” that it was not about him giving me advice; he “got” that I was angry at myself; he “got” I needed someone to listen; he finally “got it.” But really, I finally “got it.”
Everyday, I hear very similar stories of husbands and families that just don’t “get it.” Usually, what they don’t “get” is something that we are not allowing them to “get.”
How do you feel about your gestational diabetes diagnosis? What are you not sharing with your loved ones?
Be honest with yourself, what is it that your husband and family does not “get?”
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